How to quit quitting for the last time
I coach women who are frustrated with their drinking.
They want to not want it.
But something always comes up. Sometimes it is good, like an invitation to happy hour with work colleagues, and sometimes it is bad, like their son flunks out of college.
Regardless, they end up drinking.
And then berate themselves about the decision the next day.
The temptation is to not write out a plan so that technically there is nothing to break. And if there is nothing to break, then there is nothing to use against themselves.
But my clients are smart and they are on to themselves.
So then the knee jerk reaction is to just quit quitting.
Making this declaration provides temporary relief. So it is easy to get "addicted" to the cycle of quitting -> setback -> quitting quitting cycle
They think that they are the problem: that they don't have enough willpower or that they don't want it enough.
None of this is true.
I invite you to consider that this is just a genius distraction technique of the primitive brain.
And this is all part of the process of change.
I work with my clients to help them strengthen their belief in themselves because, at the end of the day, this is the secret bullet.
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We work together to overcome these mental barriers:
Self-judgement- I messed up and drank more than I wanted to so there must be something wrong with me.
Negative identities- I have always been a partier and don't know what life will be like otherwise.
Fear of failure- I don't even want to try again because it will be terrible when I fail again.
Perfectionism- If I don't follow the plan perfectly, then that means that I can't keep my word to myself.
Concern over what others will say- I don't anyone to think that I have a "problem" with drinking.
Fear of missing out - I don't really believe that I can have fun without alcohol.
Once we bring these things out into the open, it is easier to address them as the limiting beliefs that they are.
If you want to quit quitting, then adopt the mindset of the potty training parent.
They will go through the ups and downs of excitement and frustration. But they never quit because they know that eventually their child is going to figure it out. They will not be in diapers forever.
How would things be different for you if you believed with 100% certainty that you will regain control over alcohol?
Odds are that you wouldn't need to quit quitting. You would get up, dust yourself off, learn what you can and keep moving forward. That is the way to do it.
This is why belief is so important, it keeps you moving forward.
