All of your power is in your thinking
If I had a nickel for every time I said I am not going to drink tonight and then did…
The next morning, my self judgement armor kicked in preventing me from looking at what happened and mining it for any useful data. Then I would say ok, I am serious this time, I am going to power though and not drink tonight.
This is probably the most common thing I hear from clients and fellow sober curious-ites.
The reason that this was never sustainable is because it was focused 100% on the what. What I wasn't going to do (drink). And what actions I was going to take- go for walk during the normal witching hour or have a mocktail, etc. instead of drinking.
Please hear me correctly - there is nothing wrong with these actions in and of themselves. I highly recommend them in fact.
So, what is the difference?
The difference is the energy fueling these actions. And the energy that fuels "powering through" is all willpower, which is finite.
I remember hosting a meeting between global and U.S. marketing when I was in my corporate job. I knew that the U.S. dreaded this meeting. They didn't want to hear anything that the global group had to say because it really didn't apply to the U.S.
Those were my thoughts. Want to take a guess at how I showed up? With dread of course. With the belief that since no one cared about this meeting, it was best to just get through it quickly. The actions that I took, setting the agenda, arranging the speakers, keeping the conversation going, managing the flow of the day, the notes and next steps, all would have occurred regardless of how I was thinking about the meeting. But it would have been completely different experience if they were fueled from the thought that the information was valuable.
Think about how this can apply to your drinking.
You have created a habit of drinking through repeated action. The brain gets it's dopamine reward from the first drink and it will continue asking for it. Just like the toddler demanding candy at the grocery store. There isn't anything wrong with that toddler- just like there isn't anything wrong with your brain. They are both doing what they are supposed to do.
When push comes to shove in trying to change a habit, the behavior that feels more familiar has an advantage.
It requires conscious effort to forge a new path. This is where your thoughts will either work for you or against you. If you believe that you should drink less, but you really don't want to, it makes sense that you are stuck on the hamster wheel. The wine in front of you is going to win out every time when pitted against "I don't really want to drink less" thoughts.
The way off of this wheel is to question these underlying thoughts. Are they true? Pull up and look at the whole picture when you answer these questions. Consider how things would be different for you if you held the image of you and your friends at the bar alongside the image of you spending the next day in bed feeling terrible.
Should you drink less or do you want to?
Do you really not want to drink less?
Why not?
What do you love about feeling buzzed?
Do you feel like your life is crazy and you need alcohol to relax?
Do you love the taste?
Addressing these thoughts will make the difference. Sometimes it is tricky to separate out the thoughts from facts. For the longest time, I thought that it was a fact that drinking is fun. Unbelieving this thought was the last piece of the puzzle for me to have the relationship that I have today with alcohol.
