It is time for a repositioning of frustration

It is very common for people to get frustrated when they go off of their drink plan.

Maybe they had that third drink when they only intended to have two. Maybe they had a f-it moment and finished the bottle. Maybe they planned to not drink, but after a hard day at work, they found themselves at the liquor store on their way home.

These moments happen to everyone.

What is critically important is what you are making these moments mean.

Typically, the feeling of frustration comes from a thoughts such as I am a failure, or I am not going to figure this out, or there is something wrong with me.

So while it is very common to be frustrated, it is neither helpful nor fun.

I would like to offer a different way to look at it.

Let's start with some inquiry into your own internal bias towards mistakes.

Think about what you do with a child or an employee when they make a mistake. If the response is punitive, then they will learn to cover up any future mistakes or blame someone/thing for what happened.

Contrast this with the belief that mistakes are teaching moments or opportunities. The energy is completely different here. Since there is nothing to be ashamed of, the tendency is to take responsibility, learn, adjust and move on.

Now, ask yourself what you believe about yourself when you make mistakes. More often than not, we are our own worst critic. We would immediately unfriend someone if they spoke to us in the same way that we speak to ourselves.

But just because that is the way that it has been, does not mean that that is the way that it always needs to be.

There is always another way to look at it. There is another side of the coin. The glass is also half full.

I believe that the answers are actually in the mistakes. The mistakes tell us exactly what it is that trips us up. This could be unique to you, so listen carefully because this is the secret sauce. This is the key for long term sustainable change. But we have to be open to the message.

This can be the hard part because it requires examining what happened. Logically, this does not seem like it should be hard, so let us pause here. If in the past you tended to beat yourself up for mistakes, it makes sense that you would be gun shy to go back and willingly examine them! Think about the exercise above with the punitive response to mistakes…

Now that you can see what is behind your hesitancy and also the value in the practice, it is hopefully easier to move forward. 

Ask yourself the following questions:

What if frustration does not mean that anything has gone wrong?

What if the frustration is just your cue to think about this situation differently?

What would be different for you if you were able to believe that the answers are in the mistakes?

What if you are exactly on track?

Believing that you are on track will keep you moving towards your goal of regaining control over your relationship with alcohol. And why wouldn’t you want to believe this?