ONCE xyz THEN happily ever after
A litmus test to determine if your New Year's Resolution or any sort of habit change won't work.
If you say to yourself:
ONCE I get my drinking under control
ONCE I lose this extra Covid weight
ONCE I get this house organized
=> THEN, AND ONLY THEN, I will be happy.
The ONCE/THEN combination is the tell.
If you believe that you can't feel good about yourself until you make this change, you have an inherent belief that there is something wrong with you.
When this is the case, it will not feel "right" to be kind to yourself through the process.
The reason that your resolution or habit change won't work is because when anyone is learning anything new, they are going to mess up.
ANYONE LEARNING ANYTHING WILL FAIL BEFORE THEY GET IT RIGHT.
You think that you need to "power through" or "do hard things" or "suck it up."
And since you are coming from a place of not whole-ness, it will be very easy to get sucked into the Venus fly trap of "this isn't working, why bother?" and find yourself opening that bottle of wine or ice cream or Netflix binge.
When the foundation is shoddy, the whole thing crumbles.
There is no THEN. There is only now. And in order to get yourself up when you stumble, you need to have self-compassion.
Self-compassion isn't conditional. It doesn't show up with the change. It develops along the journey of change.
I am not saying don't evolve and change and go after bigger goals. What I am saying is achieving the thing will not make you feel worthy or whole.
It's the opposite.
You need to feel worthy and whole and able to love yourself in order to evolve and change and go after bigger goals.
If you agree with what I am saying, FOR OTHER PEOPLE, but not for you.
If you still believe that ONCE you do the thing, THEN you will be happy. That ONCE you get there, THEN you will be able to start with this whole self-compassion/self-love thing.
You have it wrong.
In order to do the thing, you need a perspective shift and that is coaching.
You already have plenty of evidence to support the idea that what you have tried in the past doesn't work. Please take me up on my offer for a free coaching session today.
Just last week, I was honored to help someone have a perspective shift that changed everything for her. You could be next. Schedule your session today here.
