What are your trip hazards?
I work with clients who want to regain control over their relationship with alcohol. Many times, when they trip up and drink when they didn't plan to, they believe that they need to start over.
In the big scheme of things, the one drink is not a big deal.
What is a big deal is not learning from it. More often than not, they aren’t learning from it because the self-judgement shuts them off from the learning. It acts as a protective armor in denying what happened and yet that armor doesn’t protect them from beating themselves up. So, not only is it not enjoyable, but studies show that the harping of the inner critic hinders sustainable change.
In contrast, there are multiple benefits to being kind to oneself. These include resilience after failure, lower levels of depression and anxiety and improved problem solving skills.
If you tripped while you were walking across a rope bridge, would you double back and go to the beginning? No. This defeatist attitude would completely disregard the amount that you have already traveled.
The best case scenario is that you learn that the dark planks are rotten and to be careful around them. And to watch out for the areas where the rope is hanging, because they tend to be precarious.
As long as you turn a blind eye to these trip hazards, they will remain invisible to you and you will continue to fall down.
So how can you tap into your self-compassion and curiosity and uncover your triggers to drink more than you want?
They could be:
My spouse brought my favorite wine home
I had a stressful day at work
I will start again tomorrow
I want that
I might as well finish the bottle and get it into the recycling bin
If I just go ahead and drink it, this urges will go away
Once you are able to see what these trip hazards are for you, then you are on the right path to change. Without this insight, the discomfort of the hangovers, shame and not trusting yourself will continue.
Empower yourself with this knowledge.
You can't change what you can't see.
