The judgement call is coming from inside the house

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Summer is here in full force. Between the weather and a lot of pent up demand to get out and see people after lock downs, this means get togethers with friends. Concerts and picnics and dinners and inevitably drinks, lots and lots of drinks.

And with that comes the concern about what people will think about me if I choose to drink less? Will they judge me? Will they think that I have a problem? Will they think that I am not as much fun?

You might need to sit down for this one, but this is important.

No one can judge you. Judgement is a feeling that you experience because of your own thoughts.

People can say words or give you the shame on you/tisk-tisk finger wag or look at you disapprovingly. People can do stuff all day everyday, but that doesn't make you feel judged.

These are all your circumstances.

And circumstances are neutral. This doesn't mean that you think or feel neutrally about them, but that you get to think and feel how ever you want about them.

Their judgement can not jump off of them and onto you like lice.

The lice image is intentionally gross, so that you will remember it. You are welcome.

When you feel judgement, it is your feeling.

That means that you have to have a thought that generates feeling judged.

Often times, you are feeling judgement because you agree with them.

Maybe you are concerned that people will think that you have a problem because you are questioning if you do.

Maybe you are wondering if you will be as fun if you drink less.

When I first started examining my relationship with alcohol, I was hyper sensitive to Fun Bobby jokes. Remember Fun Bobby from Friends? He was the life of the party, until he quit drinking and was no longer fun. I hated these jokes because I felt judged. I was feeling judged because there was a part of me that believed that it could be true.

Today it is different. I take ownership of my thoughts and feelings and never a victim to someone else's opinion. I also know with 100% certainty that there is nothing fun about oversharing, misplacing things, getting sick or forgetting what I said. And there is nothing more boring than being hungover all day!

In the movie When a Stranger Calls, it is creepy when the babysitter finally realizes that the call is coming from inside the house. Judgement is the same way. The call is coming from inside your brain. Hopefully this awareness isn't creepy but is liberating. This means that you always get to decide what you make other people's opinions mean.

Hit reply and let me know what comes up for you about this.

Has this provocation encouraged you to think differently about judgements and other people's opinions? It could be an invitation to know yourself a bit better.

This is the kind of work that I do with my clients. We explore how our own thoughts and feelings create the results in our lives. When you continue to think similar thoughts, you will continue to get similar results. If you would like to make long lasting changes to your relationship with alcohol, then it requires getting at the root cause and analyzing your thoughts.

It is 100% possible, because the call is coming from inside the house. You have more control than you even realize. Let's work together to help you create your ideal relationship with alcohol.